Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Randomize
