A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I'm gonna fight the coyote
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
