I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
