I think i peed on brittanys purse
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
