READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
