I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
either way he was missing a nipple.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Randomize
