Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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