I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
