I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I deserve this hangover.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
