I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
