u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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