This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize