so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
