I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
