I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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