We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
