just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
