It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
