So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I didn't notice because vodka
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
