I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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