She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
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I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
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MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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