if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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