there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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