Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Randomize
