it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
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