Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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