Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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