How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
