therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
