Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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