well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
