just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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