What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Randomize
