Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
