Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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