If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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