I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
