I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
