You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
