i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
