So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
