I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
You dont lie about slip and slides
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Randomize
