we have officially lost it.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
