In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
