Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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