Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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