I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I am naked and annoyed.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
