This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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