Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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