You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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