Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
