He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
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