Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
