I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Randomize
