What tipped you off? The sombrero?
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
