I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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