I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
