hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
