I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
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That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
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I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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