Acid is not a monday night drug
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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