Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
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i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
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I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
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