Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
