Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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