Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
it's not cheating when I paid for it
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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