My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
