what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
