he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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