Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I came so hard my ears popped.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
