what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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