So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
