I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
