I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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