My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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